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Lewd? Show more

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i assert my dominance over social situations by opening beer bottles in increasingly improbable ways

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I carry way too much aggressive energy for someone who is afraid of confrontation


Oh so gay
What does one do with all of this gay?
I don't know where to put it


Needing a walking aid sucks but being able to crunch toes without a second thought when they can't be mad at me and my sick, frail body is honestly great
Like, you wanna say something about it?
Then look me right in the yellow fuckin eyes and say it, coward

I can't actually think of a reasonable difference between slugs and caterpillars

Nervous boosted

Today's Anxiety:
People using 4 (four) E n t i r e paper towels to dry their hands

"Drugs are bad" is bullshit
Drugs are great
It's the after math when you're trying to figure out why you've got a human bite mark on one hand, a sock full of moss in the other, the taste of lemons in your teeth and why you're sleeping on a slightly damp mattress behind an auto factory that's bad

I just swallowed really loud in class and got really anxious all at once thinking people were gonna judge my swallowing ability and the way I drink my water and if that doesn't further my point

Nervous boosted

Real "Trying not to lay on the floor in anguish" hours

Nervous boosted

My basis as a person can be described as being really way too excited for Halloween and then dressing up and buying a bunch of candy for trick or treaters and then shutting my porch light off at 4:30 because I'm afraid of visitors

Establish your dominance by making a sodium bicarbonate solution but snorting a line of bicarb and chugging a cup of water

Gotta get your daily helping of c r u n c h y B o n e s

We all love some Second Degree Grease Burns 👌

Nervous boosted

zucky and musky sittin in a tree
s t e a l i n g
first comes money
then comes power
then comes the proletariat uprising to kill them and reclaim the tree as public space

I'm not good at decorating but behold my cookies :^)
They're a spicy gingerbread with an orange and vanilla icing :^)

Update: I have now gone into housewife Maximum Overdrive
Today I made:
-6 dozen spicy gingerbread cookies
-4 dozen chocolate stout cupcakes
-5 dozen orange, cardamom, and poppy seed biscuits
-2 dozen vanilla bean pound cakes with lemon glaze
-3 pans worth of salted caramel crumble bars
All Hail Housewife God

Nervous boosted
Nervous boosted

I love having a completely u s e l e s s degree, let's go get another

I love having a completely u s e l e s s degree, let's go get another

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Queer Garden

A mastodon instance geared towards queer people and their allies.